March 31, 2008

March 31 was a very long day, so this could wind up being a very long post. Consider yourself warned!

I woke up around 2:30 a.m. and immediately realized two things: the horrible pain in my back had returned, and I had to throw up. I headed into the bathroom and did just that. The pain was so bad I could hardly stand it. Not only was it in my back, it had traveled around the front of my stomach and hurt there too. I had never had a kidney stone that intense before. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, and I didn't want to disturb Bill, so I sat on the couch in my mom's family room for the rest of the night. At some point, it dawned on me that the pain was intensifying at regular intervals. I started timing them and was shocked to realize I was having contractions every minute. I didn't panic, though, because I did not feel like I was in labor. I was concerned that the kidney stone was aggravating Nolan, but I didn't feel like he was trying to make an early appearance. I was 33 weeks, 6 days pregnant at this point.

Finally, I heard my Dad get up and start moving around upstairs. It was a relief to know I wasn't the only person awake. Shortly after 6 a.m., Sam awakened and was crying. For some reason, my Dad came downstairs and offered to bring Sam upstairs and put him in bed with my mom. This was not part of the normal routine, but I was grateful. I was also grateful that Sam had slept all night. I was in no condition to take care of him.

Bill got up at 6:30. He looked in the family room before heading into the bathroom to shower, to see why I was up already. I told him I was pretty sure I needed to go to the hospital, and I asked if he would take me. He swapped work clothes for comfortable clothes (smart move) and got in the shower. I finally called my doctor's after-hours service and explained what was going on. Woah...was that nurse ticked at me! She couldn't believe I'd been sitting at home all night, having contractions every minute, and hadn't called sooner. She wanted to send an ambulance. She didn't want to hear my explanation. I finally convinced her that I was NOT going to the hospital in an ambulance, so she calmed down and agreed to let Butterworth Hospital know I was on my way.

Bill got out of the shower and I insisted on taking one. It wasn't a smart decision. I could hardly move without moaning in agony. I didn't bother washing my hair or putting my contacts in. I just got ready as fast (and as carefully) as I could. I then grabbed a bag and threw a random assortment of things in it: magazines, Bill's i-pod, some snacks. I really, truly believed I was just going in for a kidney stone, but something made me pause and grab the camera, Nolan's picture outfit, and some scrapbook paper for his footprints (I had not yet gotten around to buying a baby book). I could have left Nolan's outfit at home. He didn't grow into it for several months.

We left for the hospital shortly before 7:30. I remember seeing Sam standing in the doorway, wearing his pajamas, and feeling bad that my Mom would have to watch them all day. Turns out she had to watch them for 5 days! Bill says he had a feeling that I would not be returning home still pregnant. He knew things were bad.

If you are squeamish, you may not want to read the rest!

We got to the hospital and they got me up to OB triage pretty fast. They immediately wanted a urine sample to confirm I had a stone. I had trouble getting in to the bathroom by myself; I was in such bad shape. I was also puzzled by the fact that my urine looked so 'normal.' There should be blood in the urine when a person has a kidney stone. They ran some tests and immediately ruled out a kidney stone. They were now concerned about my appendix. They did some blood work which confirmed I had a serious infection somewhere. They also checked on Nolan and I was very upset to learn that I was 3 cm dilated. They immediately put me on magnesium sulfate, and from here on out the day rapidly deteriorated.

If you aren't familiar with it, magnesium sulfate is designed to stop contractions. I had heard it wasn't a pleasant drug, and boy, that's an understatement. I felt HORRIBLE! I was so intensely thirsty that I thought I was going to die. The nurses would allow me an occasional ice chip, but the split second it was gone, I was thirsty again. It was so bad, I could hardly concentrate on what was going on around me.

They sent me downstairs to get an ultrasound on my appendix. As they wheeled me down the hall, Sarah (my sister-in-law) happened to look up from wherever she was and see Bill. She came to check on us. I was so miserable, it felt very reassuring to have a familiar face with us. Sarah does not scan family members, but she did keep an eye on us and came in later to check on me again.

The girl who did my scan checked Nolan first. I felt better when I saw he was doing just fine. She then proceeded to check my kidneys (which were stone-free) and then tried to find my appendix. She didn't say much, but I knew she couldn't find it. She finally went to get the doctor, and he couldn't find it either. Apparently, when you are 7 1/2 months pregnant, it's not uncommon for organs to get squished and moved around. My appendix was officially M.I.A.

They sent me back upstairs and moved me to a regular labor and delivery room. I thought that was dumb, since I wasn't there to have a baby. At this point, Dr. LaGrand appeared. I knew him from a previous procedure I had done, and he was the doctor who delivered both of Mandy's babies. My doctor is family practice, and can't deliver preemies or do c-sections. It was nice to see Dr. LaGrand. I hoped he was there to make sure Nolan stayed put. He came in (and another surgeon also did at some point) to tell me my appendix had to go.

At this point, things start getting fuzzy. I remember seeing Dr. LaGrand twice. Bill says he was in and out all day. I think it was around 2 p.m. that they took me away for my appendectomy. They wouldn't let Bill come, so his Dad rescued him and took him out to lunch. I was not scared going into surgery, but I wasn't happy either. The doctors told me that if Nolan got distressed during the surgery, they were going to deliver him. But they wouldn't let me be awake, since it was exploratory (a 'search and rescue' mission for my appendix, I guess). I had quite a team in the operating room. I had the usual surgical crew, and then standing along the walls was a labor and delivery team, and some people from the NICU. I pleaded with them not to deliver the baby.

Shortly before I went into surgery, I asked if I could use the bathroom. My nurse thought it was a good idea, but I was now too weak to stand on my own. She helped me into a wheelchair and brought me over to the bathroom. Then she and two other nurses helped drag me over to the toilet. It was so crowded they couldn't close the door. One of them apologized about the lack of privacy, and I almost laughed. I was so miserable I could have cared less.

After the surgery, I woke up and realized I was even thirstier than before. I managed to communicate my need, and they gave me one stupid ice chip. I couldn't even talk, I was so thirsty, and the pain was even worse. I noticed I was still pregnant, but frankly, didn't even care. The doctor was telling me that they found my appendix, and removed it, but it hadn't been infected at all. I was irritated, but mostly, I just wanted him to give me an ice chip. I remember whispering over and over again, "Thirsty." "Thirsty." No one seemed to take me seriously.

I got back to my room and things are really fuzzy after that. I can't tell you if Bill ate any supper. I remember my mom coming and she looked really worried and I remember her patting my arm. Brianna had just gotten off her shift, and she was with her. I remember Donna, my co-worker, stopping by with a beautiful mum (which a nurse squished part of later that evening). I remember telling Donna I'd be back at work by that Thursday and she laughed at me. I remember telling Bill not to give his mom too many details, because I didn't want her to worry.

The funniest memory I have of that afternoon is someone (probably me) deciding that I needed to make a list for my mom of things I needed from home. The list I made was pretty random, and was missing many crucial toiletry items. No one questioned the accuracy, though, which meant it took a few more trips for Bill and my mom to bring me everything I needed over the course of the week.

By suppertime, Dr. LaGrand gave up on the magnesium sulfate. I was still dilating, and he said the medicine simply wasn't working. He turned it off and immediately ordered an epidural since my pain was really more than I could bear. I was so bad off, they didn't even make me sit when they put the needle in. They had me lay on my side and hold a pillow. I felt better for an hour or so, but then the epidural failed. They adjusted everything, and I felt better for about a half hour before it failed again. I kept pleading for someone to make the pain go away, and it wouldn't. I was also scared to death about having a baby so early. I asked if his lungs would be okay. Dr. LaGrand said 34 weeks was right on the bubble, and he didn't feel a steroid shot would really benefit Nolan's lungs at this point.

I can't describe how much pain I was in. Just having someone touch my side had me screaming. I'm not a chicken, and I have a fairly high pain tolerance, but it just felt like everything was spiraling out of control.

I told Bill to try and get some rest around 10:30 or 11:00. I tried to sleep, too, but the pain was too intense. I think he dozed off for a half over or so, and I just did my best not to scream out loud. The nurses would come in occasionally and make me turn over, and I couldn't help screaming then.

At 11:45 p.m., some doctor-in-training came in to break my water. I was horrified. They wanted to break my water, and put me in active labor NOW? I was too weak to sit, I'd just had major abdominal surgery, I was in more pain than I could stand, and they wanted me to push out a baby? I prayed Nolan would also think it was dumb and stay put for another day or so.

The almost-doctor left and they turned the lights out again. The pain had gotten worse, which I didn't think was possible. The nurses start coming in every couple of minutes. They never said much, they just wanted to turn me on my right side. Then my left side. Then my right side again. I wanted them to STOP TOUCHING ME! Finally, a mere 20 minutes after they broke my water, Dr. LaGrand hurried in and said enough was enough. Apparently, Nolan crashed when they broke my water. His heart rate had been below 100 beats per minute for over 9 minutes at that point. Dr. LaGrand was going to perform an emergency c-section.

My first thought? Oh, good, I don't have to push him out. My second thought was, "WHAT?!" I think they had me sign some consent form, then pushed the rest of the forms over to Bill. Someone threw some scrubs at him to put on. Within seconds of Dr. LaGrand's announcement, they were pushing my bed out of the room. I remember looked back and Bill and seeing that he looked calm, yet slightly bewildered. I was calm, too. I leaned back on my pillows and watched the ceiling tiles move as they pushed me down the hall. I distinctly remember thinking, "Hey, I should ask them to tie my tubes", but I knew no one considered me capable of making a decision like that, so I didn't speak up. Now I wish I would have.

By now, it is April 1st, but I might as well finish up the saga. I didn't want an April Fool's Day baby. I always thought it was a dumb holiday, and I felt bad that I was imposing it on Nolan forever.

Anyway, once in the operating room, Dr. LaGrand relaxed a little. Nolan's heart rate had come up, and Dr. LaGrand felt like he could take his time during the surgery. Bill wasn't there yet. He later told me he got all of his scrub gear on, only to have a nurse come in and tell him he couldn't be in the operating room, since it was an emergency. So, Bill took it all off. Then, another nurse came in and said things had stabilized, and Bill was welcome in the O.R. So, Bill had to put everything back on again! By them time he got in the operating room, Dr. LaGrand had started the procedure, and Bill saw more of me than he ever intended.

I remember the anesthesiologist was very calm and reassuring. I was afraid I'd be able to feel the surgery, since my epidural had failed twice. He made good and sure I was numb before they started. It was at this point I learned that the first surgeon (the appendectomy guy) had made a long vertical cut down the center of my stomach. Right through my navel. When he pulled the skin back together and stapled me up...well...bye-bye belly button. I thought Dr. LaGrand was kidding when he said my belly button was gone. He said he would never joke about a thing like that. Now that I'm completely healed, I do have a very slight indentation, but really no belly button to speak of. It's bizarre.

Dr. LaGrand got Nolan out and handed him off to the NICU team. I remember it was really quiet. I turned to Bill and said, "Why isn't he crying?" Bill said he thought it was okay because he could see Nolan moving around. After what seemed like a long time, we finally heard a tiny cry. They let Bill finish cutting the cord and snap a couple pictures. They briefly let me touch his face before they whisked him out of the room. I later found out Nolan's Apgar scores were only 5 and 7. Pretty lousy scores. Nolan arrived at 12:40 a.m., weighing 5 pounds, 8 ounces and was 18 inches long.

After they delivered Nolan, the anesthesiologist asked if I wanted to rest for awhile. He didn't completely knock me out, but I was basically unaware of what was going on until I woke up in the recovery room. The nurse in there took pity on me and gave Bill a big cup filled with ice chips which he fed me in a steady stream. Dr. LaGrand came in and said it looked like the infection was in my uterus. It seems the only cure for it was to deliver Nolan. He said he also firmly believed it was the only way to save Nolan's life. We still do not know what caused the infection.

Around 2:30 a.m., they took Bill and I up to the NICU to see Nolan. I was still in my hospital bed. They got me as close as the could to his little isolet. I felt really guilty when I saw how little and miserable he looked. He never even tried to open his eyes. A nurse snapped a few pictures of us, and I met Nolan's NICU doctor. His name? Bert Doctor. That's right...Dr. Doctor (every time I said that I wanted to sing, "Doctor, doctor, give me the news...").

I was in my hospital room by 4 a.m. Bill immediately tried to sleep on the pull-out couch, but said it was awfully uncomfortable. I couldn't sleep. Now that the intense pain had subsided, my mind wouldn't stop. I couldn't believe everything that had happened. Mostly, I couldn't believe I had a baby, and no one but Bill knew! I started making phone calls shortly after 6 a.m. One of the first calls was to Amanda, to apologize. So much for going overdue!

Dr. LaGrand came and checked on me everyday. I went home Saturday, over five days after I was admitted. He came by late Friday to sign my discharge papers and write me prescriptions for pain medications. I thanked him profusely for delivering Nolan and saving his life. Dr. LaGrand looked at me very seriously and thanked ME for 'making it'. I had no idea it was that bad. Dr. LaGrand said it was pretty scary for awhile there. When I heard that, I cried.

For those of you who don't know the rest of the story, Nolan spent two weeks in the hospital. The first two days he was on a ventilator, then he did two days of C-pap. After that, he was breathing on his own, but it took awhile for him to learn to eat. He tired easily. By April 13, he weighed right around 5 pounds, but the doctors decided he was ready to go home. Maybe someday I'll blog about different NICU memories I have.

I am thankful everyday that I still have my little Nolan, and that we survived that experience. I have no desire to ever have another child, as I don't feel it's fair to the 3 boys I already have here. Too risky. Adoption isn't out of the question, but for now, I'm more than satisfied with what I've got. In fact, I'm not satisfied. I'm blessed.