Who Moved My Calgon?

It's not quite 10:00, and as soon as I finish typing this, I am going to bed.

I worked all day. Things were fine until I came home. In no particular order, here's what happened this evening:

**TJ fell
**Sam fell
**Nolan fell
**Sam cried because it hurt to remove his Band-aid (although he was fascinated to learn he had hair growing on his legs, thus increasing the pain from Band-aid removal)
**Nolan needed to rest on the couch, complete with a blanket, his buddy, and Nick Jr. from the pain of barely scratching his left knee
**TJ was 50 minutes late coming home from the neighbor's house. We ate dinner without him.
**TJ couldn't understand why he lost outdoor privileges after dinner. "I just lost track of time" wasn't good enough for his parents and somehow "I was stuck in a pricker bush" just wasn't believable.
**Sam bit his finger not once, but twice(!) while eating his fajita. We typically don't encourage self-cannibalism at the Baron household.
**Sam had a mini temper tantrum when the sprinklers were not turned on immediately after dinner. He couldn't understand why his parents were choosing to deal with another crisis first.
**TJ informed me that he didn't think I was his mother. I told him I was fine with him calling me "Mrs. Baron". He then decided I might be his mother after all.
**While working on the laundry, I expressed frustration to TJ that he somehow covered a brand-new tank top in mud after wearing it just one day. I have soaked it, scrubbed it, and washed it four times and cannot get all the stains out. His response? "You should have used Oxy Clean." For the record, I did.
**We had multiple episodes of burping and passing gas, followed by hysterical laughter. Ugh.
**TJ claimed the big TV was broken. I took a look at it and was tremendously grateful to Bill for putting a password on the pay-per-view channels. TJ was trying to find "Wipe Out" on ABC and very nearly ordered a movie that I would never let him watch. The satellite finally locked him out for incorrectly entering the password too many times. Whew!

Please note that all of the above happened between the hours of 5:45 p.m. and 8:00. I managed to fold the laundry and do all the ironing after the boys finally went to bed.

And since I can't get Calgon to take me away, I'm going to sleep now.