A new perspective

On Saturday evening, I got the phone call I had been dreading.  My beloved grandmother had passed away.  We all knew it was coming.  I just kept hoping it wouldn't be for awhile.  That I'd have time to go visit her again.  That I'd be able to see her smile again.  That I'd be able to kiss her soft cheek again.

But she's gone.  After I hung up the phone, I cried harder than I've ever cried before.  I've struggled to figure out why.  I loved my grandpa just as much, but his death didn't hit me quite as hard.  I think it's because they are both gone.  The two of them are part of my most cherished childhood memories.  Now that they are both gone, it's like that part of my childhood is gone.

The boys are sad, to be sure.  But they really dislike how sad I am.  I can understand.  As I child, I hated seeing grownups cry.  A child's world feels less secure when grownups cry.  But I can't help it.  I've explained to the boys that I am not sad for Grandma.  I know she's in heaven, and I know she's happy to be with Grandpa again.  It's just that I miss her so very much.

TJ listened to me explaining this for probably the third or fourth time the other night.  Then he said, "Yes.  But think about her mom and dad.  They were probably awfully happy to see her."

I hadn't thought about that once.  My grandma hadn't seen her dad in 30 years.  And honestly, I have no idea when my great-grandma died.  It was much longer ago than that.  She must've been overjoyed to see her parents again.

His comment was made very matter-of-factly, but it did cheer me up.

I still miss her though.  Heaven just got one amazing lady.

And I'll probably still cry.  I can't help it.